I'd announce that I'm a bad blogger, but that would imply that at some point I was a good one

And I know I'm not fooling anyone.

Yes, world, I'm alive. School has started again and I am busy, but attempting to stick to my new year's resolution of not taking things seriously. Which means I watch way too much tv. Le sigh.

Also, since last I posted, this happened:

The scene-I'm in the bathroom at the gym, having just lifted and about to go do some cardio. A woman, whom I've never seen before, looks at me weirdly for a bit, then approaches me.

"Do you know who you look like?"

Uh oh. This rarely goes well.

"Pauline Nordin."

YUP. Someone told me I looked like Pauline Nordin. I don't but STILL. That pretty much made my year right there.

ALSO. I got a treadmill for my birthday! I was thinking it would be the BEST THING EVER to have what with all these snowstorms we've been having (uch), and with which to do extra cardio if I ever DO do a figure competition, or even just to be a bit more active during all my grad school reading and whatnot.

And that's pretty much all the news that's fit to print. Fitness-wise, I had been mysteriously looking leaner and leaner with very little effort, up until this weekend, when I had the urge to eat everything in the house and have been steadily doing so ever since. I'm not freaking out-I feel I've reached a bit of a balance point by letting myself eat whatever for a few months in the fall-I've seen how big I get (not that big), and then experienced how easy it is to subsequently get it off (very). Bring the peanut butter!

2010...alright so I'm a little slow on the uptake

Yes, I know it's been 2010 for a good 12 days now. But it still hasn't sunken in!

So far, 2010 has kicked ass. I had a wonderful week visiting my family, and turning 29 (although I did insist no one say my age aloud and instead we pretended I was turning 23). While at my parents, my dad was kind enough to get me a guest membership to his gym, where I had some great workouts and got a series of comments from fellow gym-goers, all of which made turning the big 2-9 a bit easier. Among them:

"So this is how you got those rock-hard abs!" (This was from an older gentleman, while I was doing hanging leg raises. I responded "Ha! Maybe one day!" to which he said "No, you're looking good right now!"

and then

"I didn't realize you were in such great shape! You look amazing! Are you training for something?" (From the manager. This comment made my week. Not to mention that she seemed to think I was within a year or two in age of my 9-years-younger brother!)

But yeah, these comments largely mirror how I feel. Something has clicked for me this break that hadn't been clicking for the past year and a half. I finally remembered that it's all about the thoughts. It's funny, I had been reading Eckhart Tolle, which led me to conclude that I am not my thoughts, and so therefore thoughts are insignificant. But I realize now-I am not my thoughts, so I can control them, to create my desired reality. This has been working so well for me so far. I am back in the kind of shape I want to be in, seemingly without effort, because I have been able to cut through a lot of doubt and self criticism. I'm just going toward what I want, and it feels amazing.

And what do I want? Right now, this is pretty much it. I want to eat like a figure competitor most of the time, but with some extra cheats most days. So, while visiting my parents, I ate pretty much like I was training for a competition all day-this came easily and felt good, but with some munching on crackers in the afternoon and then, I'll admit, quite a bit of chocolate after dinner. It's always hard for me to avoid bingeing while visiting my parents house, and I ate more than I would have liked to, but I focused on enjoying it and staying positive. Now that I'm home, I'm going to cut back on the treats for a few days to balance things out again. I think that's all that really needs to happen. The fat face is gone, my abs are back, I'm lifting heavier and running faster, and I feel amazing.

So, yeah, 2010 is pretty much kicking ass so far. I hope yours is, too!

Detox was STRICTLY enforced

By a prolonged bout with some kind of stomach virus. The kind with symptoms that are generally of the 24-hour variety, but that lasted for at LEAST 72 hours.

So, I spent the day after christmas in the fetal position at my mother in-law's house. And the day after that, and the day after that. Only today am I feeling a little like myself again. Somewhere in the midst of that we came home. And my abs re-appeared.

It's probably (read: definitely) due to dehydration, but it is nice to see them. May I never be one of those people who wishes for a stomach virus to lose weight.

The good news is I'm feeling better today, and if this were going to happen, it was the best possible timing. I wasn't going to be doing much of anything but sitting around anyway, I was (barely) able to make it to family functions anyway (but was careful not to hug or shake hands with anyone! and had to leave early after an ill-advised taste of rich chocolate cake), and didn't have any work to do. And I was planning to detox anyway. You could say I did that.

I'm curious to see what I weigh at the gym today (yes, I am going to attempt a light workout). I feel like my fat face has gone away. Prior to the stomach virus, I had been doing really well at loosely following a figure athlete style diet (tons of vegetables and protein for every meal except breakfast), and felt awesome about that. It finally clicked for me that the real sport in figure competition is the mental game; staying positive and focused no matter what is going on around you. I had heard people say that, but I think what that actually entails finally clicked. I had been attempting to practice that just for my (much easier, looser) modified version of a figure athlete diet, and it felt awesome-so much so that I have been considering competing for my 30th birthday.

Enough of my long, rambling update. I'm off to attempt the gym-here's hoping I make it through the rest of the day without having to assume the fetal position!


**Update: Weighed in at 120.5. This is the lowest I have been on this particular scale I think EVER-I think this gym's scale is a bit heavy. Workout was good, but I was getting out of breath easily so I trained my back and just did some light steady state cardio. Felt good to move around!